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[Y] My frist story: its my rp entrance with stuff i just felt like writting.
license [18-A]
My frist story: its my rp entrance with stuff i just felt like writting.
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7 Comments
2 Votes
0 Favourites
Sexuality N/A
Submitted On Feb22/10
Hits 1680
Summary:
well..i kinda just felt like writting a stroy so here it is. no idea what im going to put in it so im just comming up with it as i go.
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[Y] Excerpt

-a shadow appears on the street of a small figure walking closer. Light footsteps could barley be herd as the figure walks closer it reveals a small feminish wolf dressed in a tight white shirt and baggie military pants with converse for shoes. A large beanie with a Celtic symbol on the front hides his eyes but lets the small delicate outline of his cheeks show and what seems to be the begging of a fu man chu. A piercing on his right ear and on his belly button glimmer in the moonlight, for the shirt cut off just above his abs. The moonlight also showed the outline of a tattoo on his left arm. From a distance it’s hard to tell what it is but closer it appears to be a Celtic knot cross. The wolf stops in front of the bar and grabs himself a small tea cup with no handle and fills it with warm water, and then seemingly out of nowhere he pulls out a small tin from his hidden pocket in his jeans and opens it revealing a soothing sent to the air. He picks out some of the larger tea leafs and gently places th...
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[Y] Tags
slave drugging stroy line
Comments
[Aaralyn Mcalister]
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Feb22/10 06:11:15
Definitely try and make those big blocks of text into more paragraphs. It makes it much smoother and easier for your readers to follow. Aside from that its a very good start! Not sure why this character is being so vulgar towards her, but maybe that would be revealed about his character in later chapters. Keep writing!
[Aaralyn Mcalister]
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Feb22/10 06:21:30
I apologise. My first review was not meant for this story. The big block of text issue still applys though. You have quite a bit of accidental spelling errors that would be easily fixed with spell check. I would think about trying that or getting a Beta reader (editor). Beyond that, your details are very well written out and you have a knack for expressing the surroundings. Great job!

~Aaralyn~
[Johnzheart]
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Feb22/10 08:50:13
work in the spelling and you've got yourself a good start. i like it.
[Aria_Leon]
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Feb22/10 15:11:45
Looks like you've got a good story so far ^_^
[docisco]
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Feb22/10 15:14:16
Thanks so much for the comments and im sorry for the horable spelling i was writting in the dark, I'll make sure to use a spell check next time. Thanks guys!^^
[Sky Husky]
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Feb22/10 19:12:58
Very nice Tiny, only two complaints: Big blocks and spelling. But I caught on to what you were saying. Good story, can't wait to read the rest =D
[docisco]
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Feb23/10 17:51:57
Thankies!^^
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